the SNOB
Friday, February 15, 2008
Hands Off My Market!
Go figure: Detroit home sales rise 15%.
Aren't we in a recession, brought about by a cabal ofJewishinternational bankers screwing bums who never should have gotten creditworking-class Americans out of their leasedhard-earned homes due to their ludicrous interest-onlysneaky mortgage-writing tricks?
Detroit is the armpit of America. The only good reason to live in Detroit is if nowhere else will take you. Detroit has the climate of Michigan, the culture and cuisine of Michigan, and the crime of Detroit. Just like Lou Gehrig knew he was fucked the minute the doctor told him he had Lou Gehrig's Disease, Detroit is the fallback every other place uses to cheer themselves up--hey, at least we're better than Detroit!
Needless to say, when good news comes out of Detroit, it's worth flipping on the TV and making sure Al Gore isn't wearing a beard and speaking from the Oval Office to announce that he's sending a detachment of MDC cops and the Wellesley cub scout pack to take over France because it turns out that stinky cheese is a greenhouse gas.
If the residential real estate market in Detroit can rebound this strongly, then the need for any sort of national mortgage recovery act is demonstrably shattered. We've spent the past decade bemoaning increasingly unaffordable housing. This is how you fix it. ¶ 1:32 PM 1 Comments
Go figure: Detroit home sales rise 15%.
Aren't we in a recession, brought about by a cabal of
Detroit is the armpit of America. The only good reason to live in Detroit is if nowhere else will take you. Detroit has the climate of Michigan, the culture and cuisine of Michigan, and the crime of Detroit. Just like Lou Gehrig knew he was fucked the minute the doctor told him he had Lou Gehrig's Disease, Detroit is the fallback every other place uses to cheer themselves up--hey, at least we're better than Detroit!
Needless to say, when good news comes out of Detroit, it's worth flipping on the TV and making sure Al Gore isn't wearing a beard and speaking from the Oval Office to announce that he's sending a detachment of MDC cops and the Wellesley cub scout pack to take over France because it turns out that stinky cheese is a greenhouse gas.
If the residential real estate market in Detroit can rebound this strongly, then the need for any sort of national mortgage recovery act is demonstrably shattered. We've spent the past decade bemoaning increasingly unaffordable housing. This is how you fix it. ¶ 1:32 PM 1 Comments
Is our children choking?
Every few years a new story comes along to remind us of the fact that the younger generation is composed entirely of lascivious thugs. A decade ago it was casual blowjobs on the school bus, followed shortly thereafter by sex bracelets. To this we can now add "space monkey," AKA The Choking Game, aka Michael Hutchence disease, which the CDC announced yesterday has claimed the lives of 82 yoots--mostly boys, natch--since 1995.
While it's tempting to say that anyone who would choke themselves to the point of unconsciousness solely for the split-second "high" of hypoxia is committing auto-evolutionary selection, there is one thing no male under the age of 25 possesses in any quantity, and that's fucking common sense*. As anyone who has or has been a young male can tell you, they bore easily, and will do damn near anything to relieve themselves of that boredom, and no, "talking with friends" doesn't cut it.
It's like the inversion of the Angry Old Man skit on SNL: Back when our fathers were boys, they had bud, Bud, Marlboros, airplane glue, firecrackers, BB guns, pocket knives, bicycles, the occasional schoolyard rumble, and if all else failed, dipping the ponytail of the girl ahead of you in class in the inkwell to relieve themselves of the infinite existential angst of puberty. Now you can't buy controlled substances from sketchy adults, ride a bicycle without a helmet, possess anything more weapon-like than a jelly dildo on your person, throw a punch at a guy who talks @#$! to you without facing expulsion on the first offense, and you daren't display any aggressive/angry tendencies lest you get sheep-dipped in Ritalin and Xanax. So, boys today have nothing left with which to amuse themselves but their own two hands, so they choke themselves--and they like it!
Therefore, I await with bated breath the Harvard School of Public Health's recommendation that boys be fitted with locking mittens from the age of 11 on. Naturally the age when they come off is up for debate, given the epidemic of sexual harassment some might suggest they be made permanent. ¶ 9:23 AM 0 Comments
Every few years a new story comes along to remind us of the fact that the younger generation is composed entirely of lascivious thugs. A decade ago it was casual blowjobs on the school bus, followed shortly thereafter by sex bracelets. To this we can now add "space monkey," AKA The Choking Game, aka Michael Hutchence disease, which the CDC announced yesterday has claimed the lives of 82 yoots--mostly boys, natch--since 1995.
While it's tempting to say that anyone who would choke themselves to the point of unconsciousness solely for the split-second "high" of hypoxia is committing auto-evolutionary selection, there is one thing no male under the age of 25 possesses in any quantity, and that's fucking common sense*. As anyone who has or has been a young male can tell you, they bore easily, and will do damn near anything to relieve themselves of that boredom, and no, "talking with friends" doesn't cut it.
It's like the inversion of the Angry Old Man skit on SNL: Back when our fathers were boys, they had bud, Bud, Marlboros, airplane glue, firecrackers, BB guns, pocket knives, bicycles, the occasional schoolyard rumble, and if all else failed, dipping the ponytail of the girl ahead of you in class in the inkwell to relieve themselves of the infinite existential angst of puberty. Now you can't buy controlled substances from sketchy adults, ride a bicycle without a helmet, possess anything more weapon-like than a jelly dildo on your person, throw a punch at a guy who talks @#$! to you without facing expulsion on the first offense, and you daren't display any aggressive/angry tendencies lest you get sheep-dipped in Ritalin and Xanax. So, boys today have nothing left with which to amuse themselves but their own two hands, so they choke themselves--and they like it!
Therefore, I await with bated breath the Harvard School of Public Health's recommendation that boys be fitted with locking mittens from the age of 11 on. Naturally the age when they come off is up for debate, given the epidemic of sexual harassment some might suggest they be made permanent. ¶ 9:23 AM 0 Comments
Monday, February 11, 2008
As Goes Maine?
I haven't, and likely won't, have the time to analyze the Maine caucus returns until well after something more au courant comes along to tickle our drosophila-size attention spans. But, I do have the time to conjecture wildly.
A quick perusal of the results by town showed exactly what I would expect. Southern reaches of the state, especially the Boston suburbs of York Beach, Kennebunkport, and the crunchy metropolis of Portland, went hard for Obama. These places have more culturally in common with Wellesley and Oak Bluffs than with Paris or Gray, which could just as soon be in Tennessee, and I say that as a compliment. FWIW, Paris went for Obama 6-5, Gray broke even at 8-8, and York broke hard at 32-17. Maybe these are eccentric data points, but they are real nonetheless, and caucuses are famed for skewed results compared to the general election, where voters do not spend hours in a room being hemmed and hawed by each side.
My belief remains that Obama faces a very steep hurdle connecting with lower- and middle-class whites, who seem far more interested in the dull to-do list Hillary unrolls on demand, than the soaring but nebulous sentiments offered by Obama. This in a way mirrors Obama's enduring popularity among many upper-tier Republicans, who sour rapidly on him as the blue-sky appeals turn into concrete policy recommendations. This is a bad omen for an Obama candidacy, which looks increasingly likely, as (and I repeat myself) McCain is the best Republican this side of Mike Huckabee when it comes to appealing to voters below the median, who will likely decide the election in Ohio, Michigan, and Pennsylvania. ¶ 9:27 AM 0 Comments
I haven't, and likely won't, have the time to analyze the Maine caucus returns until well after something more au courant comes along to tickle our drosophila-size attention spans. But, I do have the time to conjecture wildly.
A quick perusal of the results by town showed exactly what I would expect. Southern reaches of the state, especially the Boston suburbs of York Beach, Kennebunkport, and the crunchy metropolis of Portland, went hard for Obama. These places have more culturally in common with Wellesley and Oak Bluffs than with Paris or Gray, which could just as soon be in Tennessee, and I say that as a compliment. FWIW, Paris went for Obama 6-5, Gray broke even at 8-8, and York broke hard at 32-17. Maybe these are eccentric data points, but they are real nonetheless, and caucuses are famed for skewed results compared to the general election, where voters do not spend hours in a room being hemmed and hawed by each side.
My belief remains that Obama faces a very steep hurdle connecting with lower- and middle-class whites, who seem far more interested in the dull to-do list Hillary unrolls on demand, than the soaring but nebulous sentiments offered by Obama. This in a way mirrors Obama's enduring popularity among many upper-tier Republicans, who sour rapidly on him as the blue-sky appeals turn into concrete policy recommendations. This is a bad omen for an Obama candidacy, which looks increasingly likely, as (and I repeat myself) McCain is the best Republican this side of Mike Huckabee when it comes to appealing to voters below the median, who will likely decide the election in Ohio, Michigan, and Pennsylvania. ¶ 9:27 AM 0 Comments
